There must be a place of a talented technician in this world that does not require selling out my values and identity

“Any man who has the brains to think and the nerve to act for the benefit of the people of the country is considered a radical by those who are content with stagnation and willing to endure disaster.” ~William Randolph Hearst

Crossroads. Those times in life to stop, take perspective of life and decide on a path ahead. I have a good idea of my destination, but the path there is still fuzzy as ever. How do you chart a path through chaos? The "correct" answers are no longer correct for me.

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” ~Helen Keller

I believe that experiences lead to more satisfaction then possessions. Poverty is an experience, but lack of resources can also further restrict access to life experiences.

“I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection”

I was forced into a self-conscious re-evaluation of my actions and values after series of experiments with LSD and Salvia Divinorum. From one perspective these powerful psychedelics catalyzed some latent neurosis pushing me a bit too close to the fussy line of schizophrenia, from another I had a powerfully mystical experience that demands action. I became aware of the Universe I create around me and learned to listen too the inner voices that we all have, but learn to suppress. This intuition told me our economic system would collapse, yet by expecting economic collapse I caused my own. By becoming aware of a system of economic slavery, I became aware of my complacency in it. By putting up with threats of termination for whistle-blowing, I was condoning and encouraging more of that behavior. The world in which the employer is King is a world of our own creation. That may be a Reality Tunnel that others live in, but somehow I have the ability to choose a different option. The point is you have to work. We are stuck in a dynamic of more and more centralization of power (money) to the elite and an unbalanced ecosystem is bad for everyone, and I must do my part to break the cycle. To restore the equality of the citizen with the elite, I must first maintain that equality in my own mind.

"Sell not virtue to purchase wealth, nor liberty to purchase power." ~Benjamin Franklin

On all levels of society there is a Cult of Institutionalized Elite. We all became possessed by the power of institutionalized thought. Institutions have become the arbiter of truth, however the truth created by these institutions tends to follow the short-sited interest of the institution. Any, and all institutions can mask reality by rewarding those whom agree the needed motivations, and censoring those who see a different reality. The world we live in is coming to an end, to be replaced by a new world of our creation, and by expecting this I trapped myself in a path of chaos. Those who see the future do become trapped by it.

“We have it in our power to begin the world over again”~Thomas Paine

I have faith that there is a path out of the hole I've dug, but I don't see it yet. There is a way to provide myself and my family with liberty and security. I will find a way to create a niche that does not require me to sell out my values and my self-respect. I will be a part of the solution to this world's ills, not just another enabler.

“We are not weak if we make a proper use of those means which the God of Nature has placed in our power.. the battle, sir, is not to the strong alone it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave.” ~ Patrick Henry

With the denial of my unemployment claim, I am now financially destitute and left to find a path without money. There is a path somewhere for me and I will find it. There must be a place of a talented technician in this world that does not require selling out my values and identity. I just hope I am nearing the trough of this cycle, but I refuse to be afraid of anything. If nothing else, it will be a character building experience.

“Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us.” ~Thomas Paine